I am a waffle maker. Some call me the Waffle King; others call me Mr. Waffles. I answer to both. I love them, waffles. I love them when they are crispy and covered with syrup. I stare at them. I say, Why do you taste so good, why are you so beautiful, why do you capture my devotion so completely? Why, why, why? Don't ask why, the waffles reply. Just eat.